Remember in the dark, what He told you in the light

It was supposed to be so easy. This whole "me needing to get better" thing... I've even done it once before. Went off the medication that was making me sick, and promptly got better. Not this time. This time, I've been off it for several days, and I'm still struggling with the symptoms that I've been having all along.... and I wonder. What about this was supposed to be easy again?

In the past few days, I've found myself struggling, found myself doubting, found myself scared and feeling alone... worried that what could happen through all this could be more than what I bargained for. And that in itself, scares me. I've got amazing family and friends who build me up, and I still feel this way... scared and alone and wanting to, well, I'm not sure what I want to do. But do something other than what I'm currently doing. Feel another way than this....which is so isolating and just full of alone-ness. (not to mention that the pain and nausea is crippling, debilitating and at times, humiliating. Just for good measure.)

So this morning I start thinking about the weekend, and about the fact that tomorrow I'm going over to Alisha's to help her pack. How she'll undoubtedly lift my spirits in ways that she doesn't even know, and help to remind me that God is still God. As she told me once, when I was feeling really down, "Remember in the dark, what He told you in the light." God's still here and faithful, and totally in control. Even if there are times that I don't want to acknowledge that, or if I forget it (let's face it, my memory's not what it once was) or if I'm just being my sometimes-stubborn-borderline-obstinate self. Such a basic truth, that I so often need to be reminded of - especially during times like this. I really am trying. Really. But somehow, I just can't help but wonder how long this will last...

Until then, I'm off to job hunt some more and work on Nathan's socks. They're turning out well, but won't actually be closer to being finished unless I actually knit. On them - not something else. There too, I'm trying. And thankful that God really is in control. Even when I in my humanness neglect to look where I should. Sigh..

Hello, Blog!

This has been a relatively normal Wednesday; a day in which I decided to start a blog. Nathan and I have joked about it, and I've lately found myself wanting to capture this period in our lives in such a way that will make me look back and laugh and appreciate the daily well, "day to day" of it all. So, I sat at the computer, and, even though I'm definitely not the most literate of computer-ey people, managed to figure out exactly what I'm doing....even down to changing the font color, if my heart so desires. This created a sensation of false confidence and "I know what I'm doing-ness" that was soundly dispelled later in the day by a sock-in-progress. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but one should know that being sat soundly on one's rump by a half-knitted sock still on it's sharp, wooden double-pointed needles is a bit...humbling.

I then started thinking about this first entry, and what I wanted it to be. I mean, this is our first entry, and that's kind of a big deal. I talked to myself about it for a while (Nathan was at work) and finally decided I just needed to shut up and write. In the end, I just decided to give you us the way that we are, the way that we've always been. Most of all, we love God and we love one another, and allowing that to color our perspectives on our day's events makes for a beautiful tapestry of a picture. And, since this is about our lives, I should probably fill you in... well, right now Nathan's is filled with not only being married to his lovely and talented wife (me!) but work and school as well; as I'm unemployed at the moment, mine is filled with taking care of Nathan and knitting. Trying not to go a little crazy missing my amazing family. Oh yeah, and reading Baptist history out loud to Nate on a semi-daily basis.

Nathan's taking Baptist History this semester, and I've been reading his textbooks out loud to him. This highly irregular method is shaping up to be highly effective, as he has no choice but to listen as I read and invent voices for the different early Baptist leaders, and has him well motivated to stay ahead in his course-work. (I'm convinced that this is because he wants to see what voice I'm going to give to the next generation of Baptist leaders that occurs in the textbook, but that's beside the point) It's been fun for me, gives us a new way to spend time together and learn at the same time.... and I've started to look at it as a sort of "time traveling field trip" that we take together on a daily basis. Pretty cool, huh?

At any rate... it's just us. Writing about us, and our days and the things and people that fill them; and the God who gives us each day in His grace and mercy. As it is, I'm off to relax and wait for my wonderful husband to come home. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.....

Goodbye, (at least for now) Blog.